This Is Why We Let Our Toddler “Help” (Even When It’s Slower)
Letting a toddler “help” isn’t always convenient – in fact, it usually makes everything take longer. But for us, it’s not about getting things done quickly… it’s about raising a child who feels capable, confident, and included in everyday life.
Why We Let Our Toddler “Help”
At this age (between one and a half and two and a half years) children have a need to develop independence.
Maria Montessori
Having a toddler help you cut up fruit can be painful. They cut it in all sorts of strange sizes, it takes twice as long, and they end up eating a third of it before it hits the bowl. But instead of thinking about it in the negative, focus on the positive: I am helping teach them skills they will have for the rest of their life.
This doesn’t just go for fruit cutting either. It’s those everyday moments, the ones where your brain is telling you “I can do this quicker, cleaner.. etc.” But acting on those thoughts and taking over tells your child that they aren’t capable of doing this yet. Over time this turns into hesitation, dependence, and/or lack of confidence. Or, you take the slower/messier/whackier route, and foster that independence they need.
We have to view independence as more than just skills, it’s about identity. When our toddler is included in what we’re doing, he’s not just being kept busy; he’s contributing. He feels needed. He sees himself as part of the family team, not just someone being entertained or managed.
How He Actually Helps
From the moment our son was born, we did our best to include him in our daily/weekly/monthly routines. One of our biggest being our Saturday reset! (We put all of the rooms in our house on little slips of paper, then mix them up in a jar and clean whatever room we pick. We keep going until the jar is empty. It’s silly but it works) And the very first Saturday reset my son was around for, he was in the baby carrier walking around with me, watching us clean. That’s how it started! Just by showing him that every week, we take care of our space like this.
As he got older, he was able to walk around with us a bit more. This is when we started asking him to help with small things, like picking up stuffed animals or opening the trash for us. As he has continued to grow and develop, so have his abilities to help.
Nowadays he’s using his little (working) vacuum, wiping surfaces with warm soapy water, taking out the trash, feeding our dog; He even helps with the dishes! And although there are times when I have to ask him to help clean up a mess, typically he is asking us if he can try to take care of these responsibilities himself.
And that’s the formula: keeping them involved + age appropriate tasks = independent toddler helper 🥰
What This Looks Like in Real Life
- Baking or cooking
- Building & Assembling
- Putting away his messes
- Gardening
- Doggy care
- & More!
The Benefits We’ve Seen
The benefits of incorporating your toddler in daily responsibilities are endless, but here are just a few of the most prominent:
- Gaining the confidence to try new things, try things on his own, or try things that seem scary.
- Immense growth in his ability to work independently, whether that’s during play or learning time.
- Developing practical life skills and fine motor skills at the same time.
- Understanding his sense of belonging and feeling like a family contributor.
- Everyone becomes more patient. 💓
Tips If You Want to Start
If you are looking to start letting your toddler “help” too, I have a few simple tips for you: start small, expect it to take longer than usual, and stay consistent. Starting small allows them and you to feel successful, which means they are more likely to try again. Understanding it will take longer than usual will aid in you not getting frustrated. When kids sense parents rushing them, it builds anxiety, which isn’t conducive to them wanting to do this again. Staying consistent is the most important though! Routines help a child understand why they are doing something, and helps them to be ready.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, letting our toddler help isn’t about getting things done perfectly (or even efficiently). It’s about giving them the chance to learn, try, and feel like a valued part of our home. Yes, it takes more time. Yes, it can be messy. But those small, everyday moments are adding up to something bigger: confidence, capability, and a sense of independence we can’t teach by doing everything for them.
We may be moving slower now, but we’re building skills that will last a lifetime, and that trade-off is always worth it.
❤️ Until next time
